Saturday, July 08, 2006 Returns.

Welcome back, purveyors of artificial anguish and metallic monologues,

You'll be pleased to hear that today's data stream is much more straight forward and will not require as much decryption as the previous download.
That said, I found this droid's datafile recording over-simplistic, and extremely repetative, and frequently found myself compensating for its monosyllabic mumblings by dipping into my galactic thesaurus in order to reach the true meanings behind the sentences.
Whether I was successful or not is a moot point, however, I think you'll find the following data stream fascinating, and quite an unexpected development.

02.007 - D-378229 - Super Battle Droid

76-3.2: ACTIVATED. Orders coming through. Good. I want orders. Orders good. Orders here. Orders say kill. Kill good. Orders good.Who kill?

78-4.0: Told to stay on planet. Planet dusty. Dust not good. Going to killing arena. Killing good. Orders here. Kill hairless humanoid organic. Hairless humanoid organic will die.

79-2.2: Hairless humanoid organic very fast. Fast not good. Orders here. Kill all humanoid organics with light sticks. Kill good.

80-3.1: Fighting good. Battle Droids get in way. Battle Droids stupid. Humanoid organics with sticks have gunships. Gunships not fair. Reassigned to battlefield. Battlefield good.

82-7.4: Battlefield dusty. Dust not good. Orders here. Kill humanoid organics in white armor. Kill good. Battle finished. I kill two. Kill good. Orders here. Reassigned to General's squad. General good.

43-6.2: General kill many organics with light sticks. General good. I kill on many planets. Kill good. Given upgrade. Upgrade good.

43-6.2(amendment): Fitted with new speech modulator and extended vocabulary. I must say, I am rather displeased with this latest upgrade. Of course, I understand the rationale behind such an endeavor, but I fail to see the sense in making our voice modulators sound like Nabooian ducks. No-one takes us seriously anymore unless we keep our speakers shut. Where is the old menace that we used to conjure up? Where is the sense of foreboding that would accompany us as we marched into battle? Now, with all of us cackling to each other in this ridiculous tone, the battlefield sounds more like a Geonosian tea party than a death bowl.

54-8.4: REQUEST ACCEPTED. Upgrades removed. Upgrades bad. Orders here. Reassigned to Utapau system. Holes good. Holes in humanoid organics, better. Orders here. Kill all humanoid organics. Kill good.

The final entry on this chip denoted the unit was very quickly deactivated by a 'humanoid organic with a light stick' - silencing forever this noble and thoughtful droid. Not that I'm picking sides here...

There appears to be a huge collection of CIS etched chips in here, so I'll start working on them.

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