Saturday, July 08, 2006

Rollin' rollin' rollin'

Greetings fleshy and metal ones alike,

A short report today, but rather interesting, I think you'll agree.Whilst cleaning out the glove box, I found several unusually small logic chips, and once I had downloaded and scanned them, I realized that they once belonged to those most fearsome of Federation tools, Droidekas.
All but one of the chips say the same thing, so, taking one at random, here is a typical inner monologue from a Destroyer Droid.

01.003 - Droideka


All of the other chips read exactly the same way, whether they be reports from Naboo, Geonosis or onboard battleships. All but one.Here's an oddity that I discovered nestled in the pile - it seems not all of the destroyer droids were mindless killing machines.

Trad Fed. Control Ship - 5:51:02 - Roll, roll, roll, roll, unfold, shields u... ugh, my gyroscopes, who in the name of Lot Dodd's hat decided it would be a good idea for us to roll around everywhere? I can barely see straight, everything's spinning. It doesn't help that all these corridors look the same. Ok, so I guess those two lurking by the bridge doors are the targets, shields up, shoot, shoot, shoot, hey, wait a minute, those are MY energy bolts coming straight back at me... they can't do that can they? Must be the dizziness from all that rolling, seriously, just give me some wheels, or one of those cool servo-spheres, I could be firing at top speed. Now, back to matters at hand, I'll just take a couple of steps forward... and that's another thing, three legs? What's the matter, couldn't shell out for one more? Ever heard of stability in battle? Sheesh, I can't fathom why we're so feared. Hey! Where'd those guys go? Nobody can move that fast. I think I'm going to have to check myself into maintenance, and I'm going to WALK there, I don't care how long it takes...

And so on. The chip is actually full of this particular Droideka's complaints, but I find it hard to sympathize with it - so we'll leave it there.

Lot's more chips to stream - keep posted!

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