Saturday, July 08, 2006

The Comings and Goings of a Battle Droid

Greetings mechanics and organics alike, FX-9 here, ready to uncompress some more previously hidden data ramblings.
I have an oddity today, a chip I found in the glove box that really looked like it had been around the block a couple of times. Upon further analysis, I determined that it was the (rather small) logic chip of a Gen.1 Battle Droid. Upon further analysis, it would appear that this chip was recycled many, many times, and that it contains data ramblings from a period that lasts almost 20 years!
Here are some selected highlights that I managed to decrypt and stream for your delight.

01.002 - OOM 7719Trade Fed. Control Ship -

5:44:14 - Unbelievable! I am online for barely two minutes, when the order comes through to take out two unwelcome guests. I knew I would see action with the Trade Federation, but so soon? I am one lucky Gen. 1!

Trade Fed. Control Ship - 5:44:17 - Well, I can't see a thing, what with this dioxin smoke everywhere. Hey, wait a minute, what's that? Oh, it's just that stupid protocol droid. No, wait, there's something else, two, long glowing sticks, one green, one blue. That's interesting. I wonder if they... uh oh.

Naboo Hanger - 2:11:98 - Well here I am again, as good as new, those droids in the shop sure know how to patch us together again. I had hoped for a more exciting gig, chasing down the amphibians, Gungans I think they are called, or even escorting the prisoners through the square, but no. I guess I am still a bit shaky after the last battle, so they have me guarding these pilots. It's pretty dull work, I wish one of them would make a break for it. Wait a minute, who's this coming through the hanger door? Hang on, I know those guys in the brown clothes. Perhaps the sarge can get some info. out of them. What the..!? The green and blue flashing sticks again! Uh oh.

Amidala Throne Room - 13:04:45 - This is more like it. No sooner was I rebuilt, then I was assigned to this cushy station. And backing up the masters no less! I'm going up in the world!

Amidala Throne Room - 13:04:52 - Here is the Queen now, with the rest of the pathetic organics. Ha! Look at them, bowed in defeat. I've had a good look around and I don't see those two with the light swords, so things should go a lot smoother this time.What in the name of Poggle's Clogs is that painted girl doing with the arm of her chair? Uh oh.

Geonosian Arena - 52:01:76 - These are the kind of odds I like. Ten thousand of us and only three of them. I'm pretty sure I recognise the one with the beard, strange... Ah well, this should be simple, just point and shoot.

Geonosian Arena - 52:01:78 - Aah! Flashing sticks everywhere! Must stay out of range, those things go through me like a hot Jawa through Bantha butter.

Geonosian Arena - 52:02:31 - Well, I'm still here! Basically I have just focused on staying out of the way of the organics with flashy sticks, and managed to squeeze the odd shot off here and there. It feels good to finally fire this rifle at last. Hey, I have a clear shot! This could mean a promotion! What the!? Damn egotistical Super Battle Droids! Pushing and shoving with their fat arms all the time - there's enough organics for everyone buddy! Oof! Bzzztt. Oh, the irony...

Geonosian Battle Field - 06:43:97 - That was a quick turnaround - I'm not entirely sure I am up to working speed, but I'll have a go. Now, this is what I was built for! It makes me laugh how the organics have encased themselves in armor, trying to be us I guess. Well, whoever chose their color scheme wasn't thinking, I can pick out their white forms from 20 clicks away - it's like shooting goober fish in a plasti-drum.

Geonosian Battle Field - 06:43:99 - The order came through - it's a headlong charge! Wonderful! Look at me go! The dust whips at my casing as I stride triumphantly forward, my rifle blazing. This is it! This is what I was built for! Oh, the exhileration!Wait a minute. Another flashy light stick? I didn't know they came in purple... uh oh.

Trade Fed. Cruiser - 53:02:04 - The makers would be so proud. Here I am, on the flagship of the fleet no less, and who is walking around, coughing lube onto the all the instuments? None other than General Grevious himself! He's not very approachable, but I think his heart's in the right place (just above and to the left of the squishy thing under his abdo-plate).And look, here are some prisoners, three organics and a worthless astromech - this should be fun. Where have I seen that one with the face hair before?

Trade Fed. Cruiser - 53:02:06 - How the? Wha...? Uh oh.

Kashyyyk - 42:94:53 - Hairy things! Hairy things everywhere! And more of those white armored organics. Will they never learn? I have made it off the water and am now triumphantly charging up the beach. The crab droids are keeping the hairy things busy, and the white droid wannabes just seem to be interested in the big stuff. I should be able to sneak in pretty much undetected.

Kashyyyk - 42:95:02 - I've made it to their observation post! Just a quick climb, the old one two with my trusty rifle here, and promotion here I come! Oh hello, who's this? Hello there little green fellow, do you want to taste Federation blaster bolt? Aah - it's got a little green flashy stick! A flashy stick! Uh oh.

Geonosis Droid Factory - 20:04:67 - Ah, fresh off the line... again. This time I'm ready for action! I know what to do! Avoid organics with facial hair and anyone with a flashy light stick. Nothing can stop me now!What's that? What does decommissioned mean?Uh oh.

I hope you enjoyed the inner rumblings of one of the old guard. I've just found some droideka chips, so I'll see if can get one or two of those downloaded for your delectation.

Until then,FX-9 out.

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