Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Vader Sessions

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Monday, September 25, 2006

Ooba Baby

03.007 – Midwife Droid

Report 2-33/S1

As is required by Polis Massan procedures, I made my first, and last, follow up call on Tatooine, to visit the child known as Luke Lars (nee Skywalker).

His adoptive parents, a Master Owen Lars and Mistress Beru Lars, appeared to still be coming to terms with their unexpected delivery. However, I detected ready acceptance of the human child, and believe he is in good hands. The human female appears to be kind and willing to support the child in every way possible, whereas the human male seemed a little over keen to know when the boy would be ready to work on the moisture vaporators.

The family share a modest adobe homestead, with a few basic droid workers and a minor wamp rat infestation, although Master Owen this shouldn’t be a problem once the boy is old enough to deal with them.

As for the child himself, I noted a couple of strange things about him, although none of these seem to be cause for concern.

His adoptive parents claim that he has, on several occasions, fashioned a grappling hook from a diaper pin and blanket thread, and escaped from his crib each time. Luckily there is nowhere for him to crawl to, and he is soon picked up by local jawas and returned to the homestead.

I also noticed that for some reason, he wore a dark mitten on his right hand, and his left garment is nowhere to be found. The Lars are perplexed as to where this mitten came from.

Holo-Image of human child.

He is a healthy child, drinking vast quantities of blue milk every day, and exhibits signs of great athleticism. While I carried out my survey, it seemed that the child had no difficulty in reaching a particular toy, in fact once or twice it appeared as if the toy came to the child!
I must remember to get my photoreceptors checked upon my return.

In summation, I believe the child is in good hands, and should enjoy a healthy, if uneventful life on the farm.


Thursday, September 14, 2006


03.007 – DD-13

20BBY/3.02 – Mwahahahaha! Finally, my experiments bear fruit!

My fool of an assistant, FX-6, actually managed to ‘purloin’ a suitable subject for my newest exploration into the realms of creation.
A gungan, no less!
Not only will this pathetic lifeform be a perfect recipient for my latest limb technologies, but I can also test my new mind-amalgamation technique.
I have just dispatched FX-6 to find me a suitable donor for the brain swap.

20BBY/11.6 – I had to give FX-6 a sound whipping for his ineptitude.
A donor, I said. He brings me a goober fish.
The limbs are ready for replacement. All I have to do is remove the current ones…
I love my job.

20BBY/33.01 – Partial success.
The cybernetic limbs took extremely well to the gungan’s torso, and the mind-amalgamation yielded surprising results. The subject actually scored higher on an aptitude test with a goober fish brain.
I must make a note of this.
Unfortunately, the first field test was somewhat of a disaster.
FX-6 led the cyber-gungan to the domed atrium at the base of this med-facility, to put it through its paces you might say.
What does it do?
It immediately does a triple back flip with a half pike into the nearest pond, instantly shorting out its limb circuits and sinking to the bottom like a sack of Hutts.
FX-6 is due for another good thrashing.

20BBY/9.34 – Master Sidious has instructed me to be ready, as he claims to be bringing me a fresh specimen. I am busy designing the limbs and body casing as we speak.

20BBY/12.8 – Master Sidious rejected virtually every design I offered him. He didn’t go for the lilac, plasti-steel armor, nor the red trim and flame decals. Instead he plumped for a rather dull black number. The mask isn’t even finished yet. A bit more tweaking and I can fix that annoying rasping sound coming from the breathing unit, but he claims he is pushed for time, and so I will have to do a half-baked job.
He even rejected the goober fish option.

20BBY/25.7 – Well, the patient arrived and he was in a pretty bad shape, I even had to call in a couple more FX units to treat his burns. I didn’t have to remove the excess limbs, someone had prepped him for surgery. Thoughtful.
We have eight hours before Master Sidious returns, so I think we have time to try out some new ideas before then…

20BBY/15.6 – FX-6 has just received his third thrashing of the day.
Why do I put up with his incompetence? While adjusting the patient’s lower limbs, he tightened one leg more tightly than the other, resulting in a length differential of 18 microclicks. When we tested the walk cycle, the patient did indeed manage to take long, menacing strides, just as Master Sidious had ordered. However, he could only stride in a circle.
Back to the old drawing board.

20BBY/4.04 – The roller blades were a bad idea.

20BBY/20.1 – Success! My creature lives!
I have dispatched the other FX units so that they may not bask in my reflected glory, and now Master Sidious is here.
I have just activated the life support unit and raised the platform to aid the patient’s first steps in his new suit.
My, he looks beautiful.

Master Sidious is whispering something in the patient’s ear.
The patient doesn’t seem very happy about something.

Oh my…

Please! Calm yourself! Someone, play a soothing tune….