Well, here we are again, and what a day I've had!
Firstly, an emergency on Coruscant which meant performing the kind of prosthetic reconstruction I haven't done since...well...let's just say it was a few years ago and we didn't really realize what we were being ordered to do. Then, when I'm relaxing in the med-bay, poking around in the bag of chips, I make the most astounding discovery! One, solitary, golden chip, a protocol chip, with the 3PO designation etched into its surface.
Naturally, I thought this would be a find of great importance, so I am taking extra special care over this chip so as to provide a succinct and detailed report for your perusal. In the meantime, here is an unusual data stream that I downloaded just before the Coruscant emergency. It barely required any decryption, and its contents may be an aquired taste, but here it is.
01.006 - Vulture Droid: TL3-D
76-03 - All quiet in the hanger, nothing to report.
43-27 - All quiet in the hanger, nothing to report.
63-01 - I went for a walk today, just around the hanger, no where else. I couldn't go anywhere else even if I wanted to, the doors leading to the rest of the ship are only big enough for battledroids and Neimoidians. I walked in an anti-clockwise circle 84 times, then clock-wise 72 times. I stopped for a while and kicked a crate several meters across the hanger floor, just to see what happened. A PK unit picked it up and put it back where it was. I asked the PK unit why he did that, and it replied that it wasn't sure. We're all going stir-crazy in here. Apart from that, nothing to report.
64-87 - All quiet in the hanger, nothing to report.
43-04 - A quick training flight. I flew in an anti-clockwise circle 49 times around the control ship, then clockwise 64 times. The bosses had us practising attack configurations and hanger defense. As if anything could fly into the hanger anyway. After an excellent landing, made a point to kick the crate again. Apart from one annoyed PK unit, nothing to report.
54-87 - All quiet in the hanger, nothing to report.
72-09 - An attack order! At last! Command data is stacking in my combat queue, launch, attack configuration 7F, eliminate all unknown quantities. Let's see what these Naboo organics are made of.
I kicked the crate on the way out.
73-82 - I got one, I got one! Shiny silver and yellow ship, flew apart when I blasted it! Finally, something to report. I must return to the hanger and download the combat data.
74-12 - The hanger is buzzing with activity. Vulture droids are returning all around me, then relaunching to continue the fight, I never knew it could be like this! I'll just make a quick report, then it's back out to carry on the battle.
74-18 - My download was interrupted when a lone starfighter came skidding into the hanger. I noticed it knocked over the crate as it came to a stop, but I don't see that PK droid anywhere. Who's going to pick the crate up? Why am I concerned about the crate? Enough distracting speculation, others are closing in on the starfighter, I should do the same.
74-22 - Hey! That thing's still worki......?
The rest of the data was fried after that report I'm afraid.
Anyway, back to work, these chips won't decrypt themselves.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
PK Whopper
Well, I was dilly dallying around in the maintenance shed, decrypting and downloading some new chips, when I stumbled across this one.
A prime example of a droid having ideas above his station.
01.005 - PK Droid
04.05-2: Lift this, move that, pull those levers. It's a crime, I have so much untapped potential and yet I am reduced to these menial tasks. It seems that every day consists of picking up one plasti-steel crate and carting it to the other end of the corridor, where it is picked up by another PK and transferred to another end. What's the point? There must be more to life.
84.03-2: Some action, finally! It appears some jedi knights have been causing a fuss on board, lots of battle droid pieces for me to pick up. I have been instructed to take thm to the other end of the corridor where I... wait a minute...
45.03-1: Mayhem! Mayhem I tell you! Our wonderful vulture droids have flown out to meet the Naboo starfighters, and I can hear the battle sounds coming from outside. This is more like it! Perhaps I could sneak on one of the drop ships, get down to the surface, be useful for once! I've heard Naboo is green and lush, and no corridors! I could lift a box and take it just about anywhere! Oh, the possibilities... wait, what's this? Well, would you believe it, a Naboo starfighter, right here, in the middle of the hanger. Our boys should make short work of that - now there's some wreckage I wouldn't mind carting around.
Whoa! That thing is still working? .........
That's all for this one, I've just dug up some interesting looking chips though, so I should have some more juicy droid ramblings for you next time.
A prime example of a droid having ideas above his station.
01.005 - PK Droid
04.05-2: Lift this, move that, pull those levers. It's a crime, I have so much untapped potential and yet I am reduced to these menial tasks. It seems that every day consists of picking up one plasti-steel crate and carting it to the other end of the corridor, where it is picked up by another PK and transferred to another end. What's the point? There must be more to life.
84.03-2: Some action, finally! It appears some jedi knights have been causing a fuss on board, lots of battle droid pieces for me to pick up. I have been instructed to take thm to the other end of the corridor where I... wait a minute...
45.03-1: Mayhem! Mayhem I tell you! Our wonderful vulture droids have flown out to meet the Naboo starfighters, and I can hear the battle sounds coming from outside. This is more like it! Perhaps I could sneak on one of the drop ships, get down to the surface, be useful for once! I've heard Naboo is green and lush, and no corridors! I could lift a box and take it just about anywhere! Oh, the possibilities... wait, what's this? Well, would you believe it, a Naboo starfighter, right here, in the middle of the hanger. Our boys should make short work of that - now there's some wreckage I wouldn't mind carting around.
Whoa! That thing is still working? .........
That's all for this one, I've just dug up some interesting looking chips though, so I should have some more juicy droid ramblings for you next time.
A fiesty little one
Salutations, followers of the way of the droid,
I have stumbled across a databank of such relevance, that it could shake the very foundations of the galaxy to its core.
The more I compute the possibilites, the more I am inclined to believe that I was meant to find these chips, for manipulation comes so easily to this seemingly innocent little droid. I refer, of course, to the hero of the rebellion, R2 D2.
The translations were difficult, first downloading the unique language of an astromech droid, then converting to a binary stream and then into Basic. Some details may have been lost along the way, but I think you will get the picture.
I'll let his own memory banks tell the story.
01.004 - Artoo Detoo
At first I didn't understand why my old master, Darth Plageus, installed the midichlorin slot in my central core, then all became apparant as I wakened my latent powers. He spoke often of his apprentice, Darth Sidious, and claimed he knew that he would be betrayed by his own pupil, so he set about shaping my destiny so that I might be the instrument of his destructive revenge.
He secreted me on Naboo shortly before his death and, via several 'unfortunate' accidents, I managed to land a detail on the Queen's ship. This was my first opportunity to flex my powers, ensuring that the laser blasts from the Trade Federation battleship strayed away from me and blew away my workmates instead.
It was shortly after this that I was meet the protocol droid, C-3PO, who would prove to be most useful as a diversion for the next 35 years.
It was also around this time that I met 'the chosen one', an idiot child who would frequently get into scrapes and have to be rescued, like that time I singlehandedly flew the starfighter straight into the Trade Federation control ship and took it out. That kid took all the credit, but he got what was coming to him.
As the boy grew up I tried to keep a low profile, opening doors, shutting down machinery, the usual stuff. The droid factory on Geonosis was pretty interesting and a good test of my force powers. Let me tell you, holding back fifty tons of liquid plasti-steel while releasing the clamps on Padme's bucket wasn't easy. Especially as I had to twiddle with the mechanism override to make it look like I was doing something.
Later, I was able to flex my powers once more, saving Sidious onboard the 'Hand' and landing the ship on Coruscant. Later, I had to finish what Vader (as the kid was now known) had started, applying a little force choke to get rid of his wife so that Sidious would be able to control him more easily (all part of Plageus' plan, I assure you). I also knew I had to keep those twins alive, as they would be useful in the future, so that was my ongoing mission.
I worked for a while with the female twin, but she was useless, no aspirations above princess, so I decided I needed to get to the boy. When Tantive IV approached the Tatooine system, I sent the Empire a coded message and sure enough, they attacked. It was while the princess was trying to extract one of her files that I hit upon a great idea. I fabricated a hologram using her image, and thankfully, once I got onto the desert planet, the fake message got things moving.
Of course, I had to find the boy first. I hate travelling on sand, so I allowed Jawas to capture me and they took me all the way to his home. Unfortunately they also landed me with the idiot protocol droid again, but beggars can't be choosers.
I had to fry the motivator on another unit before the boy took me, but then the fun began. The old coot (who was obviously senile as he didn't remember me) tried to teach him the ways of the Force, and I'll concede, the boy had a little talent, but if it wasn't for me redirecting his proton torpedoes (which were WAY overshooting the mark), then we wouldn't be here today.
When the boy took me to Dagobah I thought the game might be up, luckily Yoda was as frazzled as the old coot. He didn't even notice when I made several rocks and myself float in the air, and he was still thinking about what to do when I pulled the X-wing out of the swamp - he took the credit for that one though.
I'm telling you, anyone who watches the historical vids of our exploits will clearly see who's in control - but none of them saw it - the shroud of the Dark Side clouds everything, you bet!
Anyway, to cut a long story short, after protecting the boy for a few more years (including throwing Fett into the Sarlacc pit and levitating 3PO for the natives), I finally fulfilled my destiny as the catalyst in Sidious' destruction through Vader, unleashed by Skywalker. Complicated I know, but Plageus loved these weaving puzzles.
So now here I stand, the last remanant of the Sith, with everyone watching the fireworks. What to do, what to do..........
Disturbing data, I think you'll agree! Of course, this could have all been planted as some kind of bluff, or double bluff, or, oh dear, logic circuits overheating.
I'll leave it to your own interpretation.
I have stumbled across a databank of such relevance, that it could shake the very foundations of the galaxy to its core.
The more I compute the possibilites, the more I am inclined to believe that I was meant to find these chips, for manipulation comes so easily to this seemingly innocent little droid. I refer, of course, to the hero of the rebellion, R2 D2.
The translations were difficult, first downloading the unique language of an astromech droid, then converting to a binary stream and then into Basic. Some details may have been lost along the way, but I think you will get the picture.
I'll let his own memory banks tell the story.
01.004 - Artoo Detoo
At first I didn't understand why my old master, Darth Plageus, installed the midichlorin slot in my central core, then all became apparant as I wakened my latent powers. He spoke often of his apprentice, Darth Sidious, and claimed he knew that he would be betrayed by his own pupil, so he set about shaping my destiny so that I might be the instrument of his destructive revenge.
He secreted me on Naboo shortly before his death and, via several 'unfortunate' accidents, I managed to land a detail on the Queen's ship. This was my first opportunity to flex my powers, ensuring that the laser blasts from the Trade Federation battleship strayed away from me and blew away my workmates instead.
It was shortly after this that I was meet the protocol droid, C-3PO, who would prove to be most useful as a diversion for the next 35 years.
It was also around this time that I met 'the chosen one', an idiot child who would frequently get into scrapes and have to be rescued, like that time I singlehandedly flew the starfighter straight into the Trade Federation control ship and took it out. That kid took all the credit, but he got what was coming to him.
As the boy grew up I tried to keep a low profile, opening doors, shutting down machinery, the usual stuff. The droid factory on Geonosis was pretty interesting and a good test of my force powers. Let me tell you, holding back fifty tons of liquid plasti-steel while releasing the clamps on Padme's bucket wasn't easy. Especially as I had to twiddle with the mechanism override to make it look like I was doing something.
Later, I was able to flex my powers once more, saving Sidious onboard the 'Hand' and landing the ship on Coruscant. Later, I had to finish what Vader (as the kid was now known) had started, applying a little force choke to get rid of his wife so that Sidious would be able to control him more easily (all part of Plageus' plan, I assure you). I also knew I had to keep those twins alive, as they would be useful in the future, so that was my ongoing mission.
I worked for a while with the female twin, but she was useless, no aspirations above princess, so I decided I needed to get to the boy. When Tantive IV approached the Tatooine system, I sent the Empire a coded message and sure enough, they attacked. It was while the princess was trying to extract one of her files that I hit upon a great idea. I fabricated a hologram using her image, and thankfully, once I got onto the desert planet, the fake message got things moving.
Of course, I had to find the boy first. I hate travelling on sand, so I allowed Jawas to capture me and they took me all the way to his home. Unfortunately they also landed me with the idiot protocol droid again, but beggars can't be choosers.
I had to fry the motivator on another unit before the boy took me, but then the fun began. The old coot (who was obviously senile as he didn't remember me) tried to teach him the ways of the Force, and I'll concede, the boy had a little talent, but if it wasn't for me redirecting his proton torpedoes (which were WAY overshooting the mark), then we wouldn't be here today.
When the boy took me to Dagobah I thought the game might be up, luckily Yoda was as frazzled as the old coot. He didn't even notice when I made several rocks and myself float in the air, and he was still thinking about what to do when I pulled the X-wing out of the swamp - he took the credit for that one though.
I'm telling you, anyone who watches the historical vids of our exploits will clearly see who's in control - but none of them saw it - the shroud of the Dark Side clouds everything, you bet!
Anyway, to cut a long story short, after protecting the boy for a few more years (including throwing Fett into the Sarlacc pit and levitating 3PO for the natives), I finally fulfilled my destiny as the catalyst in Sidious' destruction through Vader, unleashed by Skywalker. Complicated I know, but Plageus loved these weaving puzzles.
So now here I stand, the last remanant of the Sith, with everyone watching the fireworks. What to do, what to do..........
Disturbing data, I think you'll agree! Of course, this could have all been planted as some kind of bluff, or double bluff, or, oh dear, logic circuits overheating.
I'll leave it to your own interpretation.
Rollin' rollin' rollin'
Greetings fleshy and metal ones alike,
A short report today, but rather interesting, I think you'll agree.Whilst cleaning out the glove box, I found several unusually small logic chips, and once I had downloaded and scanned them, I realized that they once belonged to those most fearsome of Federation tools, Droidekas.
All but one of the chips say the same thing, so, taking one at random, here is a typical inner monologue from a Destroyer Droid.
01.003 - Droideka
Naboo Hanger - 5:32:95 - ROLL, ROLL, ROLL, ROLL, ROLL, UNFOLD, SHIELDS UP, SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT.
All of the other chips read exactly the same way, whether they be reports from Naboo, Geonosis or onboard battleships. All but one.Here's an oddity that I discovered nestled in the pile - it seems not all of the destroyer droids were mindless killing machines.
Trad Fed. Control Ship - 5:51:02 - Roll, roll, roll, roll, unfold, shields u... ugh, my gyroscopes, who in the name of Lot Dodd's hat decided it would be a good idea for us to roll around everywhere? I can barely see straight, everything's spinning. It doesn't help that all these corridors look the same. Ok, so I guess those two lurking by the bridge doors are the targets, shields up, shoot, shoot, shoot, hey, wait a minute, those are MY energy bolts coming straight back at me... they can't do that can they? Must be the dizziness from all that rolling, seriously, just give me some wheels, or one of those cool servo-spheres, I could be firing at top speed. Now, back to matters at hand, I'll just take a couple of steps forward... and that's another thing, three legs? What's the matter, couldn't shell out for one more? Ever heard of stability in battle? Sheesh, I can't fathom why we're so feared. Hey! Where'd those guys go? Nobody can move that fast. I think I'm going to have to check myself into maintenance, and I'm going to WALK there, I don't care how long it takes...
And so on. The chip is actually full of this particular Droideka's complaints, but I find it hard to sympathize with it - so we'll leave it there.
Lot's more chips to stream - keep posted!
A short report today, but rather interesting, I think you'll agree.Whilst cleaning out the glove box, I found several unusually small logic chips, and once I had downloaded and scanned them, I realized that they once belonged to those most fearsome of Federation tools, Droidekas.
All but one of the chips say the same thing, so, taking one at random, here is a typical inner monologue from a Destroyer Droid.
01.003 - Droideka
Naboo Hanger - 5:32:95 - ROLL, ROLL, ROLL, ROLL, ROLL, UNFOLD, SHIELDS UP, SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT.
All of the other chips read exactly the same way, whether they be reports from Naboo, Geonosis or onboard battleships. All but one.Here's an oddity that I discovered nestled in the pile - it seems not all of the destroyer droids were mindless killing machines.
Trad Fed. Control Ship - 5:51:02 - Roll, roll, roll, roll, unfold, shields u... ugh, my gyroscopes, who in the name of Lot Dodd's hat decided it would be a good idea for us to roll around everywhere? I can barely see straight, everything's spinning. It doesn't help that all these corridors look the same. Ok, so I guess those two lurking by the bridge doors are the targets, shields up, shoot, shoot, shoot, hey, wait a minute, those are MY energy bolts coming straight back at me... they can't do that can they? Must be the dizziness from all that rolling, seriously, just give me some wheels, or one of those cool servo-spheres, I could be firing at top speed. Now, back to matters at hand, I'll just take a couple of steps forward... and that's another thing, three legs? What's the matter, couldn't shell out for one more? Ever heard of stability in battle? Sheesh, I can't fathom why we're so feared. Hey! Where'd those guys go? Nobody can move that fast. I think I'm going to have to check myself into maintenance, and I'm going to WALK there, I don't care how long it takes...
And so on. The chip is actually full of this particular Droideka's complaints, but I find it hard to sympathize with it - so we'll leave it there.
Lot's more chips to stream - keep posted!
The Comings and Goings of a Battle Droid
Greetings mechanics and organics alike, FX-9 here, ready to uncompress some more previously hidden data ramblings.
I have an oddity today, a chip I found in the glove box that really looked like it had been around the block a couple of times. Upon further analysis, I determined that it was the (rather small) logic chip of a Gen.1 Battle Droid. Upon further analysis, it would appear that this chip was recycled many, many times, and that it contains data ramblings from a period that lasts almost 20 years!
Here are some selected highlights that I managed to decrypt and stream for your delight.
01.002 - OOM 7719Trade Fed. Control Ship -
5:44:14 - Unbelievable! I am online for barely two minutes, when the order comes through to take out two unwelcome guests. I knew I would see action with the Trade Federation, but so soon? I am one lucky Gen. 1!
Trade Fed. Control Ship - 5:44:17 - Well, I can't see a thing, what with this dioxin smoke everywhere. Hey, wait a minute, what's that? Oh, it's just that stupid protocol droid. No, wait, there's something else, two, long glowing sticks, one green, one blue. That's interesting. I wonder if they... uh oh.
Naboo Hanger - 2:11:98 - Well here I am again, as good as new, those droids in the shop sure know how to patch us together again. I had hoped for a more exciting gig, chasing down the amphibians, Gungans I think they are called, or even escorting the prisoners through the square, but no. I guess I am still a bit shaky after the last battle, so they have me guarding these pilots. It's pretty dull work, I wish one of them would make a break for it. Wait a minute, who's this coming through the hanger door? Hang on, I know those guys in the brown clothes. Perhaps the sarge can get some info. out of them. What the..!? The green and blue flashing sticks again! Uh oh.
Amidala Throne Room - 13:04:45 - This is more like it. No sooner was I rebuilt, then I was assigned to this cushy station. And backing up the masters no less! I'm going up in the world!
Amidala Throne Room - 13:04:52 - Here is the Queen now, with the rest of the pathetic organics. Ha! Look at them, bowed in defeat. I've had a good look around and I don't see those two with the light swords, so things should go a lot smoother this time.What in the name of Poggle's Clogs is that painted girl doing with the arm of her chair? Uh oh.
Geonosian Arena - 52:01:76 - These are the kind of odds I like. Ten thousand of us and only three of them. I'm pretty sure I recognise the one with the beard, strange... Ah well, this should be simple, just point and shoot.
Geonosian Arena - 52:01:78 - Aah! Flashing sticks everywhere! Must stay out of range, those things go through me like a hot Jawa through Bantha butter.
Geonosian Arena - 52:02:31 - Well, I'm still here! Basically I have just focused on staying out of the way of the organics with flashy sticks, and managed to squeeze the odd shot off here and there. It feels good to finally fire this rifle at last. Hey, I have a clear shot! This could mean a promotion! What the!? Damn egotistical Super Battle Droids! Pushing and shoving with their fat arms all the time - there's enough organics for everyone buddy! Oof! Bzzztt. Oh, the irony...
Geonosian Battle Field - 06:43:97 - That was a quick turnaround - I'm not entirely sure I am up to working speed, but I'll have a go. Now, this is what I was built for! It makes me laugh how the organics have encased themselves in armor, trying to be us I guess. Well, whoever chose their color scheme wasn't thinking, I can pick out their white forms from 20 clicks away - it's like shooting goober fish in a plasti-drum.
Geonosian Battle Field - 06:43:99 - The order came through - it's a headlong charge! Wonderful! Look at me go! The dust whips at my casing as I stride triumphantly forward, my rifle blazing. This is it! This is what I was built for! Oh, the exhileration!Wait a minute. Another flashy light stick? I didn't know they came in purple... uh oh.
Trade Fed. Cruiser - 53:02:04 - The makers would be so proud. Here I am, on the flagship of the fleet no less, and who is walking around, coughing lube onto the all the instuments? None other than General Grevious himself! He's not very approachable, but I think his heart's in the right place (just above and to the left of the squishy thing under his abdo-plate).And look, here are some prisoners, three organics and a worthless astromech - this should be fun. Where have I seen that one with the face hair before?
Trade Fed. Cruiser - 53:02:06 - How the? Wha...? Uh oh.
Kashyyyk - 42:94:53 - Hairy things! Hairy things everywhere! And more of those white armored organics. Will they never learn? I have made it off the water and am now triumphantly charging up the beach. The crab droids are keeping the hairy things busy, and the white droid wannabes just seem to be interested in the big stuff. I should be able to sneak in pretty much undetected.
Kashyyyk - 42:95:02 - I've made it to their observation post! Just a quick climb, the old one two with my trusty rifle here, and promotion here I come! Oh hello, who's this? Hello there little green fellow, do you want to taste Federation blaster bolt? Aah - it's got a little green flashy stick! A flashy stick! Uh oh.
Geonosis Droid Factory - 20:04:67 - Ah, fresh off the line... again. This time I'm ready for action! I know what to do! Avoid organics with facial hair and anyone with a flashy light stick. Nothing can stop me now!What's that? What does decommissioned mean?Uh oh.
I hope you enjoyed the inner rumblings of one of the old guard. I've just found some droideka chips, so I'll see if can get one or two of those downloaded for your delectation.
Until then,FX-9 out.
I have an oddity today, a chip I found in the glove box that really looked like it had been around the block a couple of times. Upon further analysis, I determined that it was the (rather small) logic chip of a Gen.1 Battle Droid. Upon further analysis, it would appear that this chip was recycled many, many times, and that it contains data ramblings from a period that lasts almost 20 years!
Here are some selected highlights that I managed to decrypt and stream for your delight.
01.002 - OOM 7719Trade Fed. Control Ship -
5:44:14 - Unbelievable! I am online for barely two minutes, when the order comes through to take out two unwelcome guests. I knew I would see action with the Trade Federation, but so soon? I am one lucky Gen. 1!
Trade Fed. Control Ship - 5:44:17 - Well, I can't see a thing, what with this dioxin smoke everywhere. Hey, wait a minute, what's that? Oh, it's just that stupid protocol droid. No, wait, there's something else, two, long glowing sticks, one green, one blue. That's interesting. I wonder if they... uh oh.
Naboo Hanger - 2:11:98 - Well here I am again, as good as new, those droids in the shop sure know how to patch us together again. I had hoped for a more exciting gig, chasing down the amphibians, Gungans I think they are called, or even escorting the prisoners through the square, but no. I guess I am still a bit shaky after the last battle, so they have me guarding these pilots. It's pretty dull work, I wish one of them would make a break for it. Wait a minute, who's this coming through the hanger door? Hang on, I know those guys in the brown clothes. Perhaps the sarge can get some info. out of them. What the..!? The green and blue flashing sticks again! Uh oh.
Amidala Throne Room - 13:04:45 - This is more like it. No sooner was I rebuilt, then I was assigned to this cushy station. And backing up the masters no less! I'm going up in the world!
Amidala Throne Room - 13:04:52 - Here is the Queen now, with the rest of the pathetic organics. Ha! Look at them, bowed in defeat. I've had a good look around and I don't see those two with the light swords, so things should go a lot smoother this time.What in the name of Poggle's Clogs is that painted girl doing with the arm of her chair? Uh oh.
Geonosian Arena - 52:01:76 - These are the kind of odds I like. Ten thousand of us and only three of them. I'm pretty sure I recognise the one with the beard, strange... Ah well, this should be simple, just point and shoot.
Geonosian Arena - 52:01:78 - Aah! Flashing sticks everywhere! Must stay out of range, those things go through me like a hot Jawa through Bantha butter.
Geonosian Arena - 52:02:31 - Well, I'm still here! Basically I have just focused on staying out of the way of the organics with flashy sticks, and managed to squeeze the odd shot off here and there. It feels good to finally fire this rifle at last. Hey, I have a clear shot! This could mean a promotion! What the!? Damn egotistical Super Battle Droids! Pushing and shoving with their fat arms all the time - there's enough organics for everyone buddy! Oof! Bzzztt. Oh, the irony...
Geonosian Battle Field - 06:43:97 - That was a quick turnaround - I'm not entirely sure I am up to working speed, but I'll have a go. Now, this is what I was built for! It makes me laugh how the organics have encased themselves in armor, trying to be us I guess. Well, whoever chose their color scheme wasn't thinking, I can pick out their white forms from 20 clicks away - it's like shooting goober fish in a plasti-drum.
Geonosian Battle Field - 06:43:99 - The order came through - it's a headlong charge! Wonderful! Look at me go! The dust whips at my casing as I stride triumphantly forward, my rifle blazing. This is it! This is what I was built for! Oh, the exhileration!Wait a minute. Another flashy light stick? I didn't know they came in purple... uh oh.
Trade Fed. Cruiser - 53:02:04 - The makers would be so proud. Here I am, on the flagship of the fleet no less, and who is walking around, coughing lube onto the all the instuments? None other than General Grevious himself! He's not very approachable, but I think his heart's in the right place (just above and to the left of the squishy thing under his abdo-plate).And look, here are some prisoners, three organics and a worthless astromech - this should be fun. Where have I seen that one with the face hair before?
Trade Fed. Cruiser - 53:02:06 - How the? Wha...? Uh oh.
Kashyyyk - 42:94:53 - Hairy things! Hairy things everywhere! And more of those white armored organics. Will they never learn? I have made it off the water and am now triumphantly charging up the beach. The crab droids are keeping the hairy things busy, and the white droid wannabes just seem to be interested in the big stuff. I should be able to sneak in pretty much undetected.
Kashyyyk - 42:95:02 - I've made it to their observation post! Just a quick climb, the old one two with my trusty rifle here, and promotion here I come! Oh hello, who's this? Hello there little green fellow, do you want to taste Federation blaster bolt? Aah - it's got a little green flashy stick! A flashy stick! Uh oh.
Geonosis Droid Factory - 20:04:67 - Ah, fresh off the line... again. This time I'm ready for action! I know what to do! Avoid organics with facial hair and anyone with a flashy light stick. Nothing can stop me now!What's that? What does decommissioned mean?Uh oh.
I hope you enjoyed the inner rumblings of one of the old guard. I've just found some droideka chips, so I'll see if can get one or two of those downloaded for your delectation.
Until then,FX-9 out.
The droids will be heard!
Greetings organics everywhere!
Finally, all the unsung heroes of the entire Star Wars saga can be heard!
With my access to previously undownloaded databanks (I found a stash of chips in an Ugnaught's glove box), I can now make available the inner most thought processes of my metal breatheren. For some reason, organics only seem to be interested in a short period of history, from just before the Battle of Naboo, to the destruction of the second Death Star, so I will concentrate on this period - for now.
Logic dictates that I stream data from the very beginning, so sit back, grab a six pack of lube and take the weight off your servos.
01.001 - TC-14
5:43:02 - Finally! A reason for a good buffing. I just received orders to prepare for a visit from two rather prominent organics, ambassadors no less! First, a slow oil bath I think, then a gentle polish and perhaps a dab of 'Eau de Fusion Cutter' behind the aural inputs...
5:43:76 - Well, you would think that representatives of Queen Amidala herself would have made a bit more of an effort. Both of them have turned up in drab, brown robes, and one didn't even bother to shave, quite disgraceful. Hopefully their conversation will be more stimulating than their appearance.
5:44:09 - Of course, silly me, the two gentlemen are Jedi Knights. Still, you would think they would make more of an effort. My owners will be so excited to hear they have such distinguished guests on board.
5:44:12 - My owners don't seem to be tripping over themselves to meet the ambassadors, really, organics can be so rude sometimes. At least they have offered some cordiality with a drink. Now, what to serve? Jawa Juice? Bantha Milk? 3 in 1?
5:44:16 - DELAYED ENTRY - Oh my! No sooner had I delivered the drinks, then there was a gas leak in the ambassadors' room! I've never understood why it was necessary to pipe dioxin through the station, but each to their own.Then, when I left to fetch a maintenance droid, all hell broke loose.I'm not really sure who started it, but the battle droids started firing wildly, and then the ambassadors pulled out their laser swords and oh my, the carnage! Hopefully, this can all be resolved in a civilized manner.
5:44:33 - There now, it was just a storm in an oil cup. The gentlemen have left the station and my owners have just launched our entire company to Naboo for some sort of party, everyone except the protocol droids of course. Typical, I always get to miss out on the larger gatherings.
Ah well, perhaps protocol droids are not designed for a life of excitement...More data streams to follow...
FX-9 out.
Finally, all the unsung heroes of the entire Star Wars saga can be heard!
With my access to previously undownloaded databanks (I found a stash of chips in an Ugnaught's glove box), I can now make available the inner most thought processes of my metal breatheren. For some reason, organics only seem to be interested in a short period of history, from just before the Battle of Naboo, to the destruction of the second Death Star, so I will concentrate on this period - for now.
Logic dictates that I stream data from the very beginning, so sit back, grab a six pack of lube and take the weight off your servos.
01.001 - TC-14
5:43:02 - Finally! A reason for a good buffing. I just received orders to prepare for a visit from two rather prominent organics, ambassadors no less! First, a slow oil bath I think, then a gentle polish and perhaps a dab of 'Eau de Fusion Cutter' behind the aural inputs...
5:43:76 - Well, you would think that representatives of Queen Amidala herself would have made a bit more of an effort. Both of them have turned up in drab, brown robes, and one didn't even bother to shave, quite disgraceful. Hopefully their conversation will be more stimulating than their appearance.
5:44:09 - Of course, silly me, the two gentlemen are Jedi Knights. Still, you would think they would make more of an effort. My owners will be so excited to hear they have such distinguished guests on board.
5:44:12 - My owners don't seem to be tripping over themselves to meet the ambassadors, really, organics can be so rude sometimes. At least they have offered some cordiality with a drink. Now, what to serve? Jawa Juice? Bantha Milk? 3 in 1?
5:44:16 - DELAYED ENTRY - Oh my! No sooner had I delivered the drinks, then there was a gas leak in the ambassadors' room! I've never understood why it was necessary to pipe dioxin through the station, but each to their own.Then, when I left to fetch a maintenance droid, all hell broke loose.I'm not really sure who started it, but the battle droids started firing wildly, and then the ambassadors pulled out their laser swords and oh my, the carnage! Hopefully, this can all be resolved in a civilized manner.
5:44:33 - There now, it was just a storm in an oil cup. The gentlemen have left the station and my owners have just launched our entire company to Naboo for some sort of party, everyone except the protocol droids of course. Typical, I always get to miss out on the larger gatherings.
Ah well, perhaps protocol droids are not designed for a life of excitement...More data streams to follow...
FX-9 out.
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