Thursday, August 24, 2006

A shellfish attitude

03.006 – Crab Droid

04.003.1 – That’s it. Who’s in charge here?
I clearly remember being given three options when I was activated; an Utapau sinkhole, squishy Felucia or the divine waters of Kashyyyk.
Of course, I signed up for Kashyyyk.
Oh the unbridled joy of scuttling through the murky depths of the Wookiee planet. Snipping off fire weed here, shooting a goober fish there, then rising majestically from the surf, the crystal droplets running from my armorplast plating in silver rivulets, my mud cannons blasting hairy hides and white armor, slowing them down for an easy killshot.
But oh no.
Somebody decided that amphibious, multilegged crustacadroids would be better suited to the bony desolation of Utapau.
Wonderful, just wonderful.

04.023.2 – We were given some down time this morning, so I checked out the pool at the bottom of this sinkhole. I guess I should have listened to the warnings.
All was well and good for a couple of minutes, but then I found my forward limbs were slowing down. Also, my sensor stalks were obstructed by small particles which stuck like glue to my delicate array.
Upon emerging from the water on the other side of the pool, I discovered a large, rusty pipe, and by following its vertical course, I could see that it led directly to the stabes where the Utapauans keep their mounts.
Great. My servos are clogged by nuggets of lizard waste.
Upon returning to my post I was berated by my superior, and later informed by OOM-42 (who considers himself somewhat of a humorist), that you can’t swim in Utapauan pools, you merely go through the motions.
It took great restraint not to blast him there and then.

04.057.2 – Action stations! It appears a skirmish has taken place on level 10, and from what I can make out, the General has been defeated. There are clones all over the place, even the cowardly Utapauans are fighting! Still, they are no match for me. A quick blast from my water cannon renders them giddy, then I immobilize them in a bubble wort and leave them to the blasters of the battledroids. Easy pickings!
What’s this? An unarmored human is coming this way, riding up the side of the hole face on the back of one of the lizards. Interesting weapon he’s holding.
Still, he doesn’t see me. Just a few more seconds and I can squeeze off a pointblank shot, take out his mount and send him plummeting to the pool below.
Five more seconds, four, three, two, o…what the?
Those clone fools have fired on their own man! Unbelievable!
At this rate we should have the battle all sewn up in a matter of hours.
There he goes, spiraling down with his lizard to the waters below.
That’s not going to be pleasant.
Ah well, back to the fray.
Hopefully, when this is all over, I can get some leave on Kashyyyk.
Ahh, the crystal waters….

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