Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Love among the Stars

04.007 – R4-P17 Astromech Droid

From personal data stream memory banks.

442.7 – Look at him. Look at the way he commands everyone’s attention as he strides across the hanger floor. I love what he’s done with his hair, so long and wavy – ah, if I only had fingers….

So it appears that I am to navigate us to the Kamino system. According to my charts there’s nothing there, just a vacuum well, like the hollowness I feel when he is not beside me in his cockpit.

We’re away – preparing to dock with the hyperdrive ring. When I hoped for a ring, this wasn’t what I had in mind exactly. Still, at least we get to watch the stars together.

443.9 – So, there is a planet. It’s very wet here. Nothing like a walk in the rain though… what? Wait with the ship? But I… and there he goes, his wet hair clinging to his broad shoulders, his robe starting to cling to his thighs…

444.2 – It’s been an age! Where is h… ah there he is. What’s that, scramble code five? Old folk’s home? Oh master, all business one moment, and then so boyish the next, I could gaze into those eyes foreve... where was I? Oh yes. Patching through now.

That sounds dangerous! Wouldn’t you rather wait for back up than go and get the bounty hunter alone? Master? Obi Wan?

452.1 – An explosion! I do hope Master Obi-Wan was nowhere near that…

456.2 – Here he is, he looks flustered. What can I do to soothe your nerves, master? Ooh, he’s in a rush! Gently, gently, master Kenobi. Tracking device? Follow who? Who is she?

456.9 – My mistake, it’s that dreadful bounty hunter. To make matters worse we have to navigate these asteroids. You know, now might be a good time to express my true fee…. - - - ! - ! - ! - -
What the hell was that? Seismic charge? Maybe what I have to say can wait.

There’s nothing like being in the hands of a master, see how effortlessly he glides though these obstacles, now he enters the tunnel, thrusting forward with wild abandon! Oh master, how I… what the!? That damn bounty hunter isn’t playing fair. Shake him off. Shake him off!

A missile? This is too much. Weave, master, weave! What was that? Jettison the spare parts? That’s Master Kenobi for you, never did like a girl with too much junk in her trunk.

457.2 – Ooh, we’re so sneaky. You know, I could all evening just rotating on this rock with you.

457.8 – Well, he certainly knows how to show a girl a good time. Blue, wet planet one moment, red and dusty the next – he’s a man of extremes, I love that. Wait here? Again?

459.1 – Well, that didn’t take long. Another patch through to the old folk’s home? I can do that. Look at him, so authoritative in his flowing robes, his manly stance, those piercing blue ey… what’s that? Oh, droidekas. My bad. Guess I wasn’t really paying attention. Where are you taking him? Get off him you brutes!

I do hope he comes back for me…

3 Years later

993.4 – This is how it should be! Soaring in the space above our twinkling home, banking left, banking right, nothing can touch my master. His apprentice has filled out quite nicely, can’t hold a candle to my Obi Wan though! Not sure about the other astromech droid though – there’s something about that R2 unit that freaks me out.

994.2 – Things are heating up! Just the way I like it! What’s that? Buzz droids! Oh no, I’ve seen what they can do to a girl; I’ve just had these diodes polished as well! Ugh – they’re all over us, what do I do?
What’s that R2? Do nothing? They’re not attracted to still droids, only active ones? OK – you seem to know best, but I… AAIIIEEEE, what the? R2, why?Master, I zzzzttt--- I lo zztttssttzz--- I love y…zzzttztztzzttttt……………………………………….


RJ Peters said...

My favorite: some hot droid on Jedi love!

amidalooine said...

So, so sad. I'll never watch the buzz droid scene in quite the same way again...sigh...

The Stooge said...

Brilliant as always!